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 James Woods

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After the eventual passing of comedian Milton Berle -- long rumored to have the largest penis in Hollywood -- several celebrities are said to be lobbying for the much-heralded title of "Entertainment's Biggest Member," including actor James Woods, comic Bob Newhart and singer Wayne Newton.

Berle died at the age of 93, but his age never appeared to be a factor in the long-running rumors that he possessed the largest penis in the entertainment industry. Now that he has passed away, many celebs are positioning themselves to overtake Berle's title.

"I have great respect for Mr. Berle, but now that he is no longer living, I am not ashamed to tell the world that I have an enormous tallywacker," said Woods, best known for his role in "Against All Odds." "I think it's important for the world to know that I am gifted and proud of it."

Newhart begs to differ with Woods' assessment of himself. "I have lived in Milton Berle's shadow for far too long," he said. "You ask any woman -- including my wife and Susanne Plushette -- and they will tell you that I am hung like a horse. I might look unassuming on the surface, but my 10-inch piece of meat takes a backseat to nobody, especially James Woods."

Newton, meanwhile, said he is prepared to put his package head-to-head with anybody. "Milton stayed at the top because he had both length and girth," the famous Las Vegas performer said. "That's what I bring to the table as well. Most guys here in Sin City are just banging showgirls, but I feel like my Johnson is too good for them. I am very selective with whom I share The Big Harley."

So who gets to decide? That distinct honor goes to a small non-profit group in Beverly Hills called Personalities Receiving Infinite Cock Kudos (PRICK). "Anybody wanting to lay claim to this prestigious title must come to our office in person and have themselves measured by our staff," said Dick Judge, president of PRICK. "To be honest, we've never had to do this before, because nobody came close to beating Mr. Berle. If you'll pardon the pun, we are excited over the prospect of having a new pole bearer.

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